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Destiny strikes again or the painful way to get to the goal.

Hello and welcome back to my 4th installment of my blog.

This is the part of my story were things get a bit tougher. If you want to familiarize yourself with my previous story, please read the other entries I made.

My biggest dream came true, I had begun a new life, moved across the Atlantic and was finally studying music, expending my horizon and at the same time overcoming my fears that were so deeply ingrained in me. I quickly gained a reputation as one of the fastest guitar players at Berklee and even tho it was the late 90s and proficient guitar playing wasn’t so “in” and Shredding was dead, I forged my reputation.

The first year had ended and as promised I went bak to Germany and visited my family. I finally felt free and happy and I was able to deal with anything….or so I thought.

I remember it just like yesterday….on a Tuesday (1999) morning, just a few weeks before I was about to leave for Boston again I noticed all of a sudden a big bump in y hand. A mass sitting on the tendon of my thumb, making my left hand turns or thumb movement painful.

I tried to play guitar but it was very uncomfortable and I began to freak out. I consulted a few doctors and the consent was that it was a Ganglion Cyst and I needed surgery. This took me aback. All I had wanted in my life was to play guitar and now I had to face the possibility of hand surgery and a changed hand.

Since it was to close to my departure date I decided to wait and hope it would get better. I worked through the fall semester with a heavy heart and more and more this issue affected my hand, putting me in deep pain. However, I managed to hide it from everyone and no one noticed my issues at college but it was really hard for me. Everything took more time for me and I had to work so hard through my pain to be better than others….and yes, I know, it’s not about “being better” but since I was in a school with 4000 musicians it was only natural to be competitive.

I returned to Germany to have surgery on my hand during the winter break….and it went well. I woke up with a cast on my hand and slight pain but the problem was taken care off. I rested for a few days as instructed and then began playing again. I had a few studio dates for jobs lined up, so I needed to get back in shape…but the problem came back…and this time much bigger but I didn’t realize this until I was back at Berklee. I had decided to take 22 credits worth of cases and 2 private instruction credits since I was running low on money and my scholarship wasn’t much. I had set my goal to finish my Bachelors degree in 2 years. This should be the longest semester of my entire life….

As the Spring semester 2000 began and I was ready to begin but also scared. I kept myself motivated and practiced diligently and also began to experiment with different techniques and postures. I started to practice Quiqong to restore my energies and keep my body and mind and hands healthy. It was a tough semester but I was an outstanding student and musician and finished it with 4.0 average. When the semester ended I was exhausted but happy I overcame my limitations. I was ready for a summer break as I was about to move into an apartment in Jamaica Plain with my 2 best friends that I had met at Berklee, Dimitrius and Felix. I packed up my little studio apartment on Westland Ave and left for the airport knowing that I would have to undergo surgery again but I was prepared for it and ready to take on the challenge.

A little conclusion:

A very smart person once told me that we are given challenges and tasks that will make us stronger and grow into the person we are meant to be. We will not be burdened with something we can’t handle no matter how hard it seems. I believe in challenges and in the things it does to us in a positive way. This is why I have always helped and guided my family, friends and students through anything they needed help with and I always saw how everyone broke through their limitations.

In the next blog entry you will learn much more about me and the dark challenges that came into my life.

Thank you for reading and I hope this gives you inspiration and positive motivation to deal with life and events. Feel free to comment, share or just email me at lightspeeder1@mac.com

For more info, please visit my website