Hello and welcome back to my 11th installment of my blog and my story. If you are curious about the previous events, feel free to go back and read the older postings.
Time flies once you graduate from high school or college and looking looking back now on the events and career turns I took, I am not sure if I could or would do it all over again. I know there’s this cliché when successful people are asked if they would do everything the same or if they had any regrets and the answer is always, yes, I’d do it all the same way or over again or no, I have no regrets….perhaps it is easier to say once you are at a point in your life or career that has confirmed your believes and hard work and has rewarded you positively in any kind, thusly confirming your choices and actions….but what if that wouldn’t happen? You are hard working, sacrificing and getting older and still not have gained any movement, direction or rewards from your commitment to the life you choose while your friends move on and succeed and your family and friends are asking you why you are wasting your life.
I have had my fair share of dark moments and concerns and insecurities and it is only normal to experience these emotions as one is looking for reassurance that we chose the right path.
Remembering my college time and when things were “easier” and realizing that there’s only a hand full of my fellow school mates that are still perusing a career in music actively with no “day job” to subsidize or have moved on to something completely different made me realize that I am still doing ok. Of course, I have missed chances with big auditions and gigs, career opportunities and, connections and teaching appointments, and belong to a forgotten generation of guitar players (my definition of guitar players that came up during the age of Grunge Music and then in the 2000s the wave of NuMetal)…I have lots of friends who made it (popular definition for a musician who either tours with a big act or became a big act) and yes, I get asked a lot why I am not doing this or why I am not….and it is like a needle in the heart every time it get this question because it is belittling my efforts and my music and seemingly takes away my pride as a musician because I am being categorized indirectly as a failure….well….if you want to accept this. It takes luck, you would say, right? Well, luck is when preparedness meets opportunity but what when these 2 elements never meet? It takes a lot of energy to be motivated, to express your creativity, feelings and thoughts and to not give up.
I guess here’s another cliché, to give up is easy and you never know how close to success you were really unless you stick with it. Both statements are true but also hard to grasp for most people since it’s such a common saying. Giving up actually is not easy, since a lot of times we have not though about alternatives or other things to do or gained other interests and skills, so giving up brings up a whole new problem, what to do after? I realize this very often when I reach this point every few weeks, but the I realize that I can’t do anything else…and I have never done anything else but music….sure I have other talents but again, this is a different life.
So, let me bring this to a clear and simple point. Ask yourself whenever you feel doubtful about your path, no matter what you do, is this the only thing you can do? Is there an alternative to your life or path? No matter what your answer might be, ask yourself first this, what does success or succeeding mean for you? Perhaps you already have “made it” and you have never noticed it because you are so engulfed in you trying to succeed in a goal that might not be the one you actually set out to achieve? Imagine the story of the carrot and the stick. Your goal is the carrot and you are following it, trying to get to it while your ego is holding the stick in front of you and thusly you move forward but will never achieve your set goal because it is consistently changing. 2 things will come from it:
1. You will be frustrated since you can’t seem to achieve your goal and give up (again, read the statement above and you will find that there’s no giving up)
Or
2. You will realize that your efforts lead you forward and also understand that because of added skills, achievements and growth your goal has changed and will keep changing.
Once you realize that there is no option but movement, no matter what you do, you can see the good and beauty in the path you have chosen. Understand that time, circumstance and actions make you into whom you are.
I have realized for myself that what I do is who I am and that is how people I meet perceive me as well. Perhaps it sounds silly but I do wear my heart on the sleeve.
Thank you for reading and I hope this gives you inspiration and positive motivation to deal with life and events. Feel free to comment, share or just email me at lightspeeder1@mac.com
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